Word to the Wise

 Morning. Today I will bestow my words o' wisdom upon you. Two simple pieces of advice that are guaranteed to make your life easier. The suspense is killing you. I know. Here goes. My two revelations:

{1} Always call the police when you think someone is breaking into your home 

{2} Pick your battles when it comes to dealing with the wee ones

The sheer brilliance of these revelations is mind boggling.  For those of you who have ever doubted my smartness - I forgive you.  This gal is genius.

Okay, let's begin with addressing #1.  Last Thursday night at about 9:30pm I was laying in bed {totes miserable because I have strep again}pinning my life away. I hear a ton of noise outside. Banging, rustling and then finally a huge crash. Seriously? Get out of bed, look out the window. Nothing. Move the plastic curtain that divides my room from new addition.  Walk around. Stub my toe. Nothing.  Walk downstairs. Look around.  Nothing.  Get back in bed.  Rustling, banging, rustling banging.  WTF.  Are you serious?  Go to window.  Yell out: Hello. Hello.  Just go away.  I don't want to deal with this tonight.  Please leave.  Noise continues. Perched from my ivory tower I continue yelling:  ya know what,  I dare you to mess with me.  I dare you to mess with me tonight.  I'm not in the mood.  Then I ducked because my neighbor's light when on. Oops.  Sorry Henry.

Grab the cordless. Call Pete at work and proceed to tell him that someone is breaking into the house and that I don't have the time or the patience to deal with this.  Pete responds:  what?  Are you in danger? Where are the kids? Call the police. My response:  you are the police.  I need to go.  I'll handle this.  Pete: I'm coming home.  Me: whatever.  Then I got in bed and fell asleep. 

Thursday night the wind was crazy.  Apparently all the noise I heard was the plastic blowing around outside and the ladder that was up against the side of the house falling into the port-a-potty in the backyard.  Yup.  Be jealous.  Yes, be jealous of my port-a-potty and my craziness. 

Moral of the story.  Be safe.  Call the police. {or be a badass and summon the imaginary intruders to a duel}

Moving on to #2.  If your children want to swing naked at the park.  Let them.  It could be worse.

Word up - thanks for letting me enrich your life with my peals of wisdom. xox